This looks like it will be a very interesting Storybook! I like how you have God talking informally with the readers and addressing the fact that some people fear him and some people don’t believe in him. I also like that you are letting the readers know that they might learn something new by reading these stories, such as a more in depth look at Eve. On a technical note, I think the first sentence of the second paragraph (starting with “I am here to tell you”) might be a run-on. I think revising that sentence to be a few smaller ones would help with the overall flow. You also might want to look at the sign-off at the end. The “I love you” is all the way on the right while the rest of the sign-off is all the way on the left on the next line. Otherwise, great job and I’m looking forward to reading your stories!
Brooke, this is awesome! I love that you wrote this story from the perspective of God. I think you did a great job of making this story very easy to read and in a tone that is very welcoming to both believers and nonbelievers to read. My favorite part is the sign off you gave God at the end of your first story. I am looking forward to reading your Storybook during the next few weeks and I'm a little jealous I didn't go sown the same path as you, yours seems much more fun! I think Brianne gave you some good revisions that could make your Storybook even better. You have some great visuals that really help the reader feel they are seeing what they are reading. Again, great job with this story. I was very engaged and I even want to read more! Keep up the good work, I am excited to see where you go with the rest of this!
Hey, Brooke! Congratulations on your wedding as well! Yeah, I will not be marrying myself to my fiancé, but you’re right – that would definitely be entertaining. One of the RAs had the same certification as me and he actually did marry a couple, though, so it’s surprisingly legit. I’m sure our marriages will be awesome – like anything, there’s ups and downs but marrying the loves of our lives will be the best thing ever!
Let me just start off by saying the picture you chose for the home page is great! Having attended Episcopal/Catholic churches growing up, they all had stained glass similar to that one so you definitely captured the religious aspect.
Intro: I liked the opening for your storybook. You did a great job of establishing God as the main narrator of the stories. You also prepped us on what to expect going forward in a way that wasn't just listing them off for no reason. Awesome job on that.
My Lovely Eve: the intro really personalized God well. You did a good job of changing the story of Adam and Eve while still maintaining the essence of the story. I liked the way you made clear that God is all-powerful.
The suggestion I would make is to liven your template up a little bit! The wood looks nice, but the all white could use some color I think! Especially when you have such a colorful opening picture on the cover page!
Hi Brooke! Your introduction was great! I really like that your story is in God's point. It made the story really good. It also made it pretty realistic. You made God sound like an actual person and less intimidating. I also like how you told us what would be featured in the upcoming stories. Your story was very easy to read and also very easy to follow. You did a great job with it! Your website looks so cool, I love the pictures that you chose. The background is pretty cool too. I like how it looks like wood. For some reason, I just think that it fits perfectly with your story. I cant wait to read more of your story! Good job!
ME-DANG IT!! I lost it when I read this! I cannot stop chuckling over this, well done on the humor.
All laughter aside, I really enjoyed your 1st person view of God. I really enjoyed the bit of dry cheesy humor He expressed in your intro and story about Eve. You really made me what to continue reading more so I could keep seeing God’s view point you created. Your intro flowed very smoothly into your first story; the intro set everything up very well without giving anything away. The retelling of the fall was good too! I liked the additional background you provided the readers. It was nice to see a glimpse of the happy life they had, Adam and Eve lying around enjoying the animals company with every day task. I also liked the God interjections as well; they were very parent like and funny. I look forward to reading your other stories for sure!
God's personality in this is really great! It's so much more fun to imagine God with a sense of humor. I think that it was a good choice to start your introduction as a letter rather than saying something like "in this storybook, I'm going to be writing letters from God... blah blah..." It makes it much more interesting, and it definitely serves to draw in the reader. It certainly made me want to read the rest of the stories.
In your stories, you certainly have the God-like tone down pat. I don't know why, but (when I read your story) it sounds like the person writing the letters is all-knowing and clearly quite wise. Great job on that! I don't know if it was something you did purposefully or not... Either way, I'm still amazed. Great job on the introduction, and great job on your stories. I look forward to reading more of them later!
So I'll be honest here: I'm not usually one for Bible-themed storybook projects, but the way you are portraying these stories in your project is fantastic! I love how you're having God as the narrator and talking about his view of the stories of these famous women in the Bible. The style in which you're having him tell it is also awesome! It's not dry and told in a super-prose like style, unlike most of the stories from the Bible I've read. I read all of what you have in the storybook so far because it was that much fun to read. I can also understand the stories better (like of Sarah and Hagar) because I'm not having to wade through a sea of 'thy's and 'thou's. Keep up the great storytelling! I like reading the POV of God as if he's one of the bros.
Well I chose your storybook as one of my free choices earlier in the semester, so I probably won't go into detail about the first two pages of your storybook since I already have, but here's my thoughts on the last story you've done!
As with the first two, good job on bringing God into our time period with his vocabulary being more casual than all-powerful-ish like in the Bible (I realize that isn't a word, but I couldn't think of how to word that!). The way he, or you, whatever, tells the story makes it easy to understand and flows nicely together.
Like you mentioned in your comment on mine, I like putting the pictures in the middle of the story to kind of break it up and give the reader something to think about or something to set the stage for what's happening. You did a great job with that in your story, and overall it's coming along really nicely!
Hi Brooke! I think you started out the story with a great introduction! The idea of being God in a story can certainly be an intimidating one! But the way you made Him seem both powerful and approachable was a great way to start off the story. Then the fact that you added in the different stories that were to come, definitely added a great twist to keep the reader going.
I think you did a very good job with the Adam and Eve story. You were able to keep it short, but still allow the story to have the important parts in it. Then also the fact that you had it said from God’s point of view with him adding little interjections added an additional layer to the story.
The story of Ishmael was well written. You were able to add some more of God’s interjections into the story which then allowed us to see it from the viewpoint of God. That allows the reader to actually feel for all of the characters involved.
Hey Brooke! I really love your introduction. You did a really good job of setting up the foundation to lead into your stories. Your depiction of God was done really well as well. You did really well setting up the I'm not all intimidation and power and I'm actually approachable character.
You also did really well setting us up for the first story with Eve. You showed us that these weren't going to just be separate stories within the same universe but rather they would be connected with them building on previous stories. With your Eve story I really loved the set up. You really created this feeling of listening to someone actually tell a story. I could clearly envision this being actually told by someone.
The ending is a fantastic set up to lead into your next story. The first story was resolved just enough to feel complete but you also left us wanting to find out what happens next in the story.
First off, I really like the home page of your storybook. The picture of the stained glass window is a good way to set the tone for your tales. I also like the simple wood background that you chose. It helps create a clean environment for your stories and is pleasing to look at.
What a cool title for a storybook. A Talk with God. I really like this because I feel like this is one of the fundamental parts of Christianity-- developing a relationship and communicating with God. I have never read any stories from God's perspective. Nice idea!
I enjoyed reading your introduction. You have a good tone to your writing. I love the line, "And you think it is easy to be God?" Haha, I also liked that you called Adam and Even guinea pigs. I had never thought of them as that, but it definitely makes sense. You could say that they were kind of God's experiment.
I read your story titled My Lovely Eye. I liked that you chose to use dialogue in the story because it helps the reader hear the voice of the characters in their head and makes the characters more human. Wow, I love how you signed the end of the story.
I really enjoyed reading your project! I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
HI Brook! I really like the way your website looks. The stain glass photo is such a great introduction photo to have; it’s very vibrant and eye-catching. I really liked the approach you took towards telling these stories as well; it is a great point of view to have for these.
I really enjoyed reading My Lovely Eve. I loved how you developed the story to explain why everything happened the way it did. I really enjoyed how you added humor elements to a usually ominous story. One of my favorite segments from the story was when you were talking about Adam working on the bridge for long enough to realize that his carpentry skills were not up to snuff. That really helped to set the tone early on for the story. I also liked how you demonstrated that God had compassion for Eve. Another great moment was when you had God stop the story to interject. It was a great way to make sure you still have the reader’s attention. I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hey Brooke. So I chose your Storybook as my free choice this week. Your cover page is amazing. I think you did a nice job with the background, for some reason the wood panel look reminded me of church. The picture you chose was also beautiful. The title of your storybook is good because it give some information to the reader about the story they about to read. All your links seem to be in working order. Your introduction does a nice job of setting up your storybook. Normally I like to see the picture at the top of the page, but putting it in the middle seems to work here. I would recommend enlarging your font just a little. I also did not find any real errors as far as grammar is concerned in your introduction. Over all I would say that this seems like a good start to your story book and does a nice job of peaking the readers intrest.
Wow Brooke, I'm really glad I was assigned your storybook to review. I really do love the picture you chose for cover page. The vivid colors and the look of stained glass fit perfectly with the topic of your storybook. I agree with Joe Costa...the wood paneling on your background does remind me of an old church setting and I'm sure that's why you chose it. I liked your writing style and how you made God seem more modern day human-like in the way he was speaking. He seemed approachable, like someone you could just talk to about anything, even though he could create & destroy things with the snap of his fingers. I also liked the fact that you used dialogue between the characters in your stories. All of the pictures fit well with each story, the color choices and writing style were perfect for each story, and I like how your ended each story with he quote from God. I think your storybook was be a good read for anyone even someone who is not very religious. It's not overtly in your face or anything. It's just a really nice read. Good job!
This looks like it will be a very interesting Storybook! I like how you have God talking informally with the readers and addressing the fact that some people fear him and some people don’t believe in him. I also like that you are letting the readers know that they might learn something new by reading these stories, such as a more in depth look at Eve. On a technical note, I think the first sentence of the second paragraph (starting with “I am here to tell you”) might be a run-on. I think revising that sentence to be a few smaller ones would help with the overall flow. You also might want to look at the sign-off at the end. The “I love you” is all the way on the right while the rest of the sign-off is all the way on the left on the next line. Otherwise, great job and I’m looking forward to reading your stories!
ReplyDeleteBrooke, this is awesome! I love that you wrote this story from the perspective of God. I think you did a great job of making this story very easy to read and in a tone that is very welcoming to both believers and nonbelievers to read. My favorite part is the sign off you gave God at the end of your first story. I am looking forward to reading your Storybook during the next few weeks and I'm a little jealous I didn't go sown the same path as you, yours seems much more fun! I think Brianne gave you some good revisions that could make your Storybook even better. You have some great visuals that really help the reader feel they are seeing what they are reading. Again, great job with this story. I was very engaged and I even want to read more! Keep up the good work, I am excited to see where you go with the rest of this!
ReplyDeleteHey, Brooke! Congratulations on your wedding as well! Yeah, I will not be marrying myself to my fiancé, but you’re right – that would definitely be entertaining. One of the RAs had the same certification as me and he actually did marry a couple, though, so it’s surprisingly legit. I’m sure our marriages will be awesome – like anything, there’s ups and downs but marrying the loves of our lives will be the best thing ever!
ReplyDeleteLet me just start off by saying the picture you chose for the home page is great! Having attended Episcopal/Catholic churches growing up, they all had stained glass similar to that one so you definitely captured the religious aspect.
ReplyDeleteIntro: I liked the opening for your storybook. You did a great job of establishing God as the main narrator of the stories. You also prepped us on what to expect going forward in a way that wasn't just listing them off for no reason. Awesome job on that.
My Lovely Eve: the intro really personalized God well. You did a good job of changing the story of Adam and Eve while still maintaining the essence of the story. I liked the way you made clear that God is all-powerful.
The suggestion I would make is to liven your template up a little bit! The wood looks nice, but the all white could use some color I think! Especially when you have such a colorful opening picture on the cover page!
Hi Brooke! Your introduction was great! I really like that your story is in God's point. It made the story really good. It also made it pretty realistic. You made God sound like an actual person and less intimidating. I also like how you told us what would be featured in the upcoming stories. Your story was very easy to read and also very easy to follow. You did a great job with it! Your website looks so cool, I love the pictures that you chose. The background is pretty cool too. I like how it looks like wood. For some reason, I just think that it fits perfectly with your story. I cant wait to read more of your story! Good job!
ReplyDeleteME-DANG IT!! I lost it when I read this! I cannot stop chuckling over this, well done on the humor.
ReplyDeleteAll laughter aside, I really enjoyed your 1st person view of God. I really enjoyed the bit of dry cheesy humor He expressed in your intro and story about Eve. You really made me what to continue reading more so I could keep seeing God’s view point you created. Your intro flowed very smoothly into your first story; the intro set everything up very well without giving anything away.
The retelling of the fall was good too! I liked the additional background you provided the readers. It was nice to see a glimpse of the happy life they had, Adam and Eve lying around enjoying the animals company with every day task. I also liked the God interjections as well; they were very parent like and funny. I look forward to reading your other stories for sure!
God's personality in this is really great! It's so much more fun to imagine God with a sense of humor. I think that it was a good choice to start your introduction as a letter rather than saying something like "in this storybook, I'm going to be writing letters from God... blah blah..." It makes it much more interesting, and it definitely serves to draw in the reader. It certainly made me want to read the rest of the stories.
ReplyDeleteIn your stories, you certainly have the God-like tone down pat. I don't know why, but (when I read your story) it sounds like the person writing the letters is all-knowing and clearly quite wise. Great job on that! I don't know if it was something you did purposefully or not... Either way, I'm still amazed. Great job on the introduction, and great job on your stories. I look forward to reading more of them later!
So I'll be honest here: I'm not usually one for Bible-themed storybook projects, but the way you are portraying these stories in your project is fantastic! I love how you're having God as the narrator and talking about his view of the stories of these famous women in the Bible. The style in which you're having him tell it is also awesome! It's not dry and told in a super-prose like style, unlike most of the stories from the Bible I've read. I read all of what you have in the storybook so far because it was that much fun to read. I can also understand the stories better (like of Sarah and Hagar) because I'm not having to wade through a sea of 'thy's and 'thou's. Keep up the great storytelling! I like reading the POV of God as if he's one of the bros.
ReplyDeleteWell I chose your storybook as one of my free choices earlier in the semester, so I probably won't go into detail about the first two pages of your storybook since I already have, but here's my thoughts on the last story you've done!
ReplyDeleteAs with the first two, good job on bringing God into our time period with his vocabulary being more casual than all-powerful-ish like in the Bible (I realize that isn't a word, but I couldn't think of how to word that!). The way he, or you, whatever, tells the story makes it easy to understand and flows nicely together.
Like you mentioned in your comment on mine, I like putting the pictures in the middle of the story to kind of break it up and give the reader something to think about or something to set the stage for what's happening. You did a great job with that in your story, and overall it's coming along really nicely!
Hi Brooke! I think you started out the story with a great introduction! The idea of being God in a story can certainly be an intimidating one! But the way you made Him seem both powerful and approachable was a great way to start off the story. Then the fact that you added in the different stories that were to come, definitely added a great twist to keep the reader going.
ReplyDeleteI think you did a very good job with the Adam and Eve story. You were able to keep it short, but still allow the story to have the important parts in it. Then also the fact that you had it said from God’s point of view with him adding little interjections added an additional layer to the story.
The story of Ishmael was well written. You were able to add some more of God’s interjections into the story which then allowed us to see it from the viewpoint of God. That allows the reader to actually feel for all of the characters involved.
Hey Brooke! I really love your introduction. You did a really good job of setting up the foundation to lead into your stories. Your depiction of God was done really well as well. You did really well setting up the I'm not all intimidation and power and I'm actually approachable character.
ReplyDeleteYou also did really well setting us up for the first story with Eve. You showed us that these weren't going to just be separate stories within the same universe but rather they would be connected with them building on previous stories. With your Eve story I really loved the set up. You really created this feeling of listening to someone actually tell a story. I could clearly envision this being actually told by someone.
The ending is a fantastic set up to lead into your next story. The first story was resolved just enough to feel complete but you also left us wanting to find out what happens next in the story.
Hi Brooke!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really like the home page of your storybook. The picture of the stained glass window is a good way to set the tone for your tales. I also like the simple wood background that you chose. It helps create a clean environment for your stories and is pleasing to look at.
What a cool title for a storybook. A Talk with God. I really like this because I feel like this is one of the fundamental parts of Christianity-- developing a relationship and communicating with God. I have never read any stories from God's perspective. Nice idea!
I enjoyed reading your introduction. You have a good tone to your writing. I love the line, "And you think it is easy to be God?" Haha, I also liked that you called Adam and Even guinea pigs. I had never thought of them as that, but it definitely makes sense. You could say that they were kind of God's experiment.
I read your story titled My Lovely Eye. I liked that you chose to use dialogue in the story because it helps the reader hear the voice of the characters in their head and makes the characters more human. Wow, I love how you signed the end of the story.
I really enjoyed reading your project! I look forward to reading more from you in the future!
HI Brook! I really like the way your website looks. The stain glass photo is such a great introduction photo to have; it’s very vibrant and eye-catching. I really liked the approach you took towards telling these stories as well; it is a great point of view to have for these.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading My Lovely Eve. I loved how you developed the story to explain why everything happened the way it did. I really enjoyed how you added humor elements to a usually ominous story. One of my favorite segments from the story was when you were talking about Adam working on the bridge for long enough to realize that his carpentry skills were not up to snuff. That really helped to set the tone early on for the story. I also liked how you demonstrated that God had compassion for Eve. Another great moment was when you had God stop the story to interject. It was a great way to make sure you still have the reader’s attention. I can’t wait to read the rest of your stories!
Hey Brooke. So I chose your Storybook as my free choice this week. Your cover page is amazing. I think you did a nice job with the background, for some reason the wood panel look reminded me of church. The picture you chose was also beautiful. The title of your storybook is good because it give some information to the reader about the story they about to read. All your links seem to be in working order. Your introduction does a nice job of setting up your storybook. Normally I like to see the picture at the top of the page, but putting it in the middle seems to work here. I would recommend enlarging your font just a little. I also did not find any real errors as far as grammar is concerned in your introduction. Over all I would say that this seems like a good start to your story book and does a nice job of peaking the readers intrest.
ReplyDeleteWow Brooke, I'm really glad I was assigned your storybook to review. I really do love the picture you chose for cover page. The vivid colors and the look of stained glass fit perfectly with the topic of your storybook. I agree with Joe Costa...the wood paneling on your background does remind me of an old church setting and I'm sure that's why you chose it. I liked your writing style and how you made God seem more modern day human-like in the way he was speaking. He seemed approachable, like someone you could just talk to about anything, even though he could create & destroy things with the snap of his fingers.
ReplyDeleteI also liked the fact that you used dialogue between the characters in your stories. All of the pictures fit well with each story, the color choices and writing style were perfect for each story, and I like how your ended each story with he quote from God.
I think your storybook was be a good read for anyone even someone who is not very religious. It's not overtly in your face or anything. It's just a really nice read.
Good job!