Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Storytelling Week 5: The Mosquito and Hen

The parrot said:

    Back in the 18th-century, there was a pesky mosquito and feisty hen that had the most unlikely friendship. Both creatures lived on an almost abandoned farm owned by Mr. Rogers. The barn was a ghost town because many of the horses were starving or had already died, and the other animals had been sold, all except one hen (the mosquito wasn’t really owned by anyone since he had free reign to leave when his little heart desired). 



       It was a hot afternoon day when the hen said to the insect, “I am about tired of starving everyday. 
       Mr. Rogers is a decent fellow and all, but a hen has got to eat. I’m planning on laying eggs soon.”

       The mosquito replied with a mischievous tone, “I am getting a bit hungry too…”

       “Don’t even think about sucking my blood!” the hen snapped back.

After a long, tiresome argument, the two agreed not to exploit one another, but instead find relief somewhere else. So they ventured to the neighboring farms to find some birdseed for the hen and a few healthy animals for the mosquito to feast on.

To the right was Mr. and Mrs. Larky’s farm. They had a few dozen cows and horses, but nothing more, so that option was out. To the left was the Grizzly Bear Farm, yes, the farm only raised grizzly bears for people to come out and shoot their game. We didn’t associate much with those people.

       The hen said, “You don’t really have to guess why,” as she rolled her wing around in a circle next    
       to her head.

The next option was a fit for them both – the Chumnut family who lived just across the street! They raised cows, horses, chickens, donkeys, rattlesnakes, cats – you name it, they owned it. After a long rest at dusk, the two decided to go out in the middle of the night to prevent someone from hearing them.

They were now steps from the fence blocking the green pasture from the busy road. The mosquito, riding on the hen’s head, gave the bird a tap on the noggin and told her to head on over. One step, two step, three step……

       “OUCHHHHH!” yelled the hen.

       She continued screaming, “I just had a lightening bolt rattle my whole body - organs and all!"

Not long after, the ranch man came out of his house to see this chicken toasted from the shock of the electric fence.

He scooped her fragile body up in his calloused hands and carried her to his barn, where he proceeded to feed the hen some birdseed. That was all she really wanted.


The mosquito returned to his 
old farm with an empty stomach. No pain, no gain.


Author's Note: The original story, “The Elk and the Ass,” in the UN-Textbook (2014), was about two animals venturing over to a farm to graze the field together. The ass got in a giddy mood and decided to sing. This act woke up the gardener and master of the house. They then decided to take them prisoner.


The narrator, the parrot in “Tales of a Parrot”, told this whole story. He told this story to teach his master’s wife a lesson.

I changed it up to teach a lesson, but one about working for what you want (no pain, no gain). While the two animals should not have gone over to the Chumnut Farm to steal food or animal blood, the hen had to go through a full body electrical shock in order to get fed. The mosquito left with an empty stomach because he didn’t have to go through any pain to receive food (blood). This version also had a much happier ending than the original story where the men took the two animals captive. 


Bibliography: The Elk and the Ass. (1801). UN-Textbook (2014). Tales of a Parrot. Ziya'al-Din Nakhshabi. 

6 comments:

  1. Brooke, I was very impressed with your storytelling. You were very creative. The dialogue between the hen and mosquito really made the story. The story was also very intuiting, in the fact that I wanted to keep reading to find out what was going to happen in the end.

    The way that you spaced your text out, made it easy to read and follow. However, on some of the sentences, there was some weird spacing. I think that this might have just been and a copy and paste issue and it does not cause any problems. It is just something little that I noticed.
    For example,
    The hen said, “You don’t really have to guess why,” as she rolled her wing around in a circle
    next
    to her head.
    The “to her head” was on a separate line than “next”.

    Your author’s note did a great job of explaining the original stories. Also, it does a wonderful job of explaining your reasoning behind your ideas. I am glad that you made your story have a happier ending than the original. I believe that you are the first person that has put two stories together into one storytelling. (At least out of the ones that I have read)

    Great job!

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  2. I really enjoyed this story! I did question why the mosquito couldn't pass the electric fence. The mosquito is small enough to fit through without begin shocked. Besides this question I thought your lesson to the story was great. I wonder why the farmer fed the hen. Was he feeding it so he could later eat her? Overall you did a good job!

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  3. Hey, Brooke, I just wanted to leave a few comments on the format of your blog and stories. While the plain format is neat and simple and clean, you might want to think about revising the blog layout and/or color scheme. The bright white is kind of shocking and bright, detracting a bit from the emphasis of your stories and posts. Then again, like I said, it is a clean and neat design, though, so any changes would be completely up to you.

    As for your story format, I just wanted to mention that you should try to be more consistent: sometimes you use tabs at the beginning of paragraphs, sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you put extra enters between paragraphs while sometimes you don’t. It would help the look and flow of your story if you just picked a format and stuck with it.

    In any case, I loved your story, so great work! Can’t wait to read more of your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey, Brooke, I just wanted to leave a few comments on the format of your blog and stories. While the plain format is neat and simple and clean, you might want to think about revising the blog layout and/or color scheme. The bright white is kind of shocking and bright, detracting a bit from the emphasis of your stories and posts. Then again, like I said, it is a clean and neat design, though, so any changes would be completely up to you.

    As for your story format, I just wanted to mention that you should try to be more consistent: sometimes you use tabs at the beginning of paragraphs, sometimes you don’t, and sometimes you put extra enters between paragraphs while sometimes you don’t. It would help the look and flow of your story if you just picked a format and stuck with it.

    In any case, I loved your story, so great work! Can’t wait to read more of your posts!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Brooke! Long time, no see. I hope you are doing well and plans for the wedding are going smoothly! I enjoyed reading your story. It was funny and an easy read! I feel bad for the poor hen...she just wanted some food! I liked the personalities you gave these characters and the way you brought them to life.

    Your format was really good. By breaking up the paragraphs like you did made the story flow nice and easy. Grammatically, everything looks good and you did a good job of breaking up the different quotations between the characters.

    I like how you described the different farms that surrounded the animals. I've never heard of a grizzly bar farm before! I hope the hen and mosquito are okay. The hen deserves the food!!

    I thought your story told a great message too - no pain, no gain!

    Thanks for the good read, I hope to see you around in Norman soon!!

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  6. Hey, Brooke, I really liked your story! The paragraph break kept my eyes moving down the page, which is a very important facet of good storytelling as many readers will see big paragraphs and essentially give up before they even start reading! The dialogue between the mosquito and the hen was easily discernible and carried the story ahead well! The only problem I had with your story was the formatting, the sentences are kind of wonky in the spacing and paragraph spacing. But that might have been something that just happened accidentally, and I'm sure wouldn't take any time at all to fix if you really care to at all! Haha. Also, I loved the creativity you used in terms of how you changed the original. I don't think I've ever considered the idea of a grizzly bear farm! And mosquitoes are rarely used as central characters in anything really, so that was a unique choice of main character!

    ReplyDelete